Worst Movies You've Ever Seen

[Ka-Talliya]

Bulletproof Monk!!
Holy God, what were they thinking?!?! It seemed like maybe it was a decent story to begin with...but it quickly went down the drain.

[cthulhu]

The Doom Generation is the worst movie I've ever seen.

[Zagatto]

This is what I love about personal taste. After reading through vicnuts list, I realize that I REALLY like about half of his list.

Crouching Tiger is even among my top ten all time favourite movies and I've watched it countless times.

I thought that Dogma was hillarious and made some great jabs at organized religion.

I will continue to defend SW: Ep 1 as a fun movie. I think the only failure was that it failed to live up to the hype that comes with the Star Wars name.

I also thought that the Michael Keaton made a surprisingly good Batman for the first two movies. And how can anyone diss Michelle Pfiefer dressed as Catwoman?

I've avoided a few of the titles on your list, especially The Postman because I've heard even less good about that movie than I have about Ishtar.

All in all, knowing what you consider to be trash just tells me that we have totally different taste in movies.

[vicnuts]

Almost forgot to mention: MATRIX 2
One of the biggest peices of shit i've ever seen. As bad as the Hulk & worse than Daredevil.
After reading Zagatto's most recent reply, i'll have to change one thing and agree that the first Keaton "Batman" isn't that bad. And I also agree that Keaton was the best Batman of the bunch. While pfeiffer is hot in the sequel, its too much a peice of crap to care.

[Zagatto]

And here's another one I disagree with vicnuts on. I loved the second Matrix movie and look forward to the third with baited breath. I felt there was a lot more plot to the second movie than people give it credit for and that all the extra special effects are warranted as Neo gets more and more used to his abilities. I actually would have been disapointed if there hadn't been some great challenge for him like the hoard of Agent Smiths that were piling on top of him.

I did just see Bulletproof Monk though and thought it was a waste of my free rental coupon. I'm a long time fan of Chow Yun Fat and am sorely disapointed that he chose to grace this heaping pile of shit with his presence. It has a plot that I expect from a standard HK movie (which I love) but over produced with that distinctive Hollywood flair. The mix just doesn't work for me.

Going back to our earlier differences, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is magnificent in the way it presents traditional Chinese fairy tales without feeling like a traditional HK action flick (which I love). The cinematography and choreography were both second to none in this movie while the story did a fine job of holding it up.
I will say that the one time I tried watching this movie dubbed instead of subbed, I was horribly let down and quickly switched back to the subtitles. The nuances in all the characters voices carry so much more meaning than just the words themselves.

I would be interested to read why people are listing some of the movies they're listing. It's one thing to say "this movie sucks" and oh so much more to say "this movie sucks because..."

[Batz Kage]

Originally posted by Ka-Talliya
Bulletproof Monk!!
Holy God, what were they thinking?!?! It seemed like maybe it was a decent story to begin with...but it quickly went down the drain.

Just as I was reminded my friend today as he was telling me to watch this movie, every movie he like others say they SUCK! BIG TIME!

[vicnuts]

Zagatto asks a pretty fair quastion so here are my reasons for hating Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
I found it incredibly boring, and never original. The actors were flat, mostly due to the immensely dull characters they had to play (with the exception of the Jade Fox played by Cheng Pei Pei). They waste more than half the film kowtowing and greeting each other and pointlessly mentioning a sword than ever trying to tell any cohesive story. The only part of the film I enjoyed is the Zhang Zi Yi flashback with her meeting her lover in the desert for the first time. Sadly, in relation to the rest of the film, it goes nowhere. When she finally meets her lover at the end, presumably the whole reason for all the troubles she's caused, she kills herself. An extremely weak ending with no reasoning to it. It was only fitting because I wanted to kill myself by that time too.
The action choreography was horrid, an exceptionally low mark for Yuen woo Ping (that is until I saw Matrix 2) whose work i've been a huge fan of for almost 20 years. His over indulgence in high-wire effects took away from scenes that may have turned out at least decent. Part of the failing (in both CT,HD & Matrix 2) is a result of using non-martial artists to do martial arts sequences. Some action scenes aren't too bad, but they're far too short and far too few. I think in all there are a total of 5 action sequences in the whole film and most aren't worth mentioning.
The only positives in the film are the decent musical score and the films excellent cinematography.

CT,HD is little more than a poor attempt to remake the successful Wuxia films of Hong Kongs glory years of the 60's/ 70's. Since Louis Cha and Ku Lung are considered two of the greatest writers of the wuxia genre, and Shaw Brothers studios at the time to be considered the "Hollywood of the East", so those are the films i would recommend. I suggest the following (not all are written by Cha or Lung, or easy to find):
Come Drink With Me (Cheng Pei Pei, Yeuh Hua. Dir: King Hu)
Duel For Gold (Ivy Ling Po, Lo Lieh. Dir: Chu Yuan)
Have Sword, Will Travel (Ti Lung, David Chiang, Li Ching. Dir: Chang Cheh)
Golden Swallow (AKA Girl with the Thunderbolt- Kick Cheng Pei Pei, Wu Ma, Jimmy Wang Yu. Dir. Chang Cheh)
One Armed Swordsman (Jimmy Wang Yu, Ku Feng. Dir. Chang Cheh)
King Eagle (Ti Lung, Li Ching. Dir. ?)
Twelve Deadly Coins (Lo Lieh, Ching Li. Dir. Sui Jang Hung)
Clans of Intrigue (Ti Lung, Yueh Hua. Dir. Chu Yuan)
Hidden Power of the Dragon Sabre (Ti Lung. Dir: Chu Yuan)

I also HIGHLY recommend the movie "Musa". Released in 2001, tthis south Korean film (the most expensive ever made there) IS what CT,HD could only dream of being. I honestly believe you would enjoy, if not love, this movie. Easy to find now that its had a major DVD release in HK (but keep an eye out for the R3 2-disc set with hardcover book that came out a year ago or more).

[Prophet Hero]

I quite enjoyed CT, HD although I admit I've never read the original novel or indeed any of the Crane - Iron Pentalogy. It's still rumoured that one of the earlier books is ready to be translated into film.

I didn't think Chow Yun Fat did too badly since he was covering for Jet Li.

[DARK OSAMU]

As vicnuts said previously...The Hulk was a bad movie. It had a terrible build up to the point of him Hulking out. It was DECENT at best as a stand alone movie, BUT if I were a huge Hulk fan I'd have been royally pissed off at how lame that movie was. Even I had better expectations for the Hulk. It was a letdown to me and if I were a true Hulk fan it would have ben a waste of maoney to have gone and see it in the theatre.

[Zagatto]

vicnuts, I hate (and love) keeping this debate so open, especially about HT, CD as I find it to be an excellent movie.

For once, after reading your list of classic kung fu movies, I find we agree on a wide range of movies. I would like to add some of Yuen Wu Ping's classics such as Dreadnaught and Wing Chun to your list.

But when you say that Crouching Tiger lacked a cohesive story, I wonder if we watched the same movie at all. I thought the movie was a fine example of showing what it is to follow ones heart instead of old traditions. I thought Michelle Yeoh and Chow Yun Fat were totally believable as two people who loved each other but kept themselves seperate to honour an old friend. You could sense the passion and the ache of denial in both of them.
Then there's Xang XiYi's performance as the headstrong girl who doesn't understand why there are all these rules and why the strong don't just do as they please.
I felt all the other characters in the movie were merely props to further the stories of these three characters.

And the fight scenes... I felt that the use of wire work was entirely justified and that they exploded with action. Chow Yun Fat, who admitedly is not a martial artist, was well directed in using minimal movements to show the strength of a trained warrior. He was able to disarm Xang XiYi using only a stick and very simple motions.
Then there was the fight in the courtyard with all the different weapons being used by the two women. This fight scene alone makes the movie worth the price of admission. Finally for a bit of humour is the scene where Xang XiYi trounces all the men in the resteraunt.

I think the biggest reason people are dissapointed with this movie is that they expect a traditional kung fu movie and Crouching Tiger is something else entirely. It's more of a fable that happens to have a few fight scenes scattered throughout it.

Admitedly, I can't defend Matrix 2 as much as I can CT, HD. Whereas I enjoyed the movie, I recognize that they went way over the top with the special effects. I do feel that the use of the special effects were warrented in the case of Neo as he would need a much greater challenge than anything offered from the first movie. I'm still looking forward to the third part to see what they do to top the first two. Is it going to be another case of more for the sake of more or are they going to try something new? Only time will tell.

[DARK OSAMU]

I liked Crouching Tiger and have it on DVD as well. But after seeing movies like The Storm Riders ( My personal favorite kung fu, which really does deserve a shit load of awards.) and also the original Drunken Master, CT is just a great movie and not phenomenal like the two others I just mentioned. I just wanted to post this so I could whore out my two personal fave Kung-Fu masterpeices!

[vicnuts]

Zagatto & Dark Osamu, If you enjoyed Dreadnaught, Wing Chun, and Drunken Master, then you should try these:

-Prodigal Son (Yuen Biao, Liang Kar Jen, Sammo Hung)
-Knockabout (same cast as above)
-Odd Couple (Sammo Hung, Lui Chia Lung, Liang Kar Jen)
-Duel to Death (Norman Chui Sen Keung, Damain Lau Sung Yen)
-Blade of Fury (Ti Lung ,Cynthia Khan)
-Last Hurrah for Chivalry (Damian Lau, Pai Wei Dir. John Woo)

Yuen Woo Ping stuff:
-Snake in Eagles Shadow (Jackie Chan, Hwang Juang Lee, Simon Yuen)
-Drunken Taoism (Yuens' Clan)
-Drunken Taichi (Yuens' Clan, Donni Yen)
-In the Line of Duty IV (Donnie Yen, Cynthia Khan, Micheal Wong, Yuens' Clan)
-Iron Monkey (Donnie Yen, Yu Rong Guang, Hsiou Hou)
-Danse of the Drunk Mantis (Yuens' Clan, Simon Yuen, Corey Yuen Kwai, Hwang Juang Lee -This film is the REAL sequel to Drunken Master. Originally to star Jackie Chan but he backed out to film his own movies. The cast from the original returns although mostly different characters. Corey Yuen Kwai has sinced moved on to direct such films as Yes Madam!, Kiss of the Dragon with Jet Li & The Transporter)


Thanks for the recommendations, but theres no need as i've been watching Kung-Fu flicks since 1981 at the very least. I've either seen or own almost everything out there (no exaggeration) with the exception of stuff i hate. The stuff above i 'm sure you guys would enjoy and are very easy to find (with the possible exception for Knockabout).

[vicnuts]

Oh yeah, for Dark Osamu. If you really enjoy Storm Riders, give the comic a whirl. As a matter of fact, the only reason i watched the movie was because of the comic. Written and illustrated by Ma Wing Shing, you can purchase the graphic novel reprints (in english) from http://www.Comicsone.com.

[Tripp]

For someone to appreciate Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon you have to have watched a lot of Chinese movies. I mean some of the titles I've watched dubbed in Vietnamese span volumes. You think Dragonball Z was long. These are live action movies that span lengths like Dragonball Z. Tapes that are like 6 hours long that span more then 15 tapes. Takes weeks just to watch the entire Storyline. The Mu Lan from history was huge. The girl didn't kill herself at the end by the way. There are legends that tell of places that if you are to fall from the top of the cliff and make it to the bottom without dieing you get your wish granted. There's a lot of legendary aspects to the movie. Usually movies like CT, HD left it open ended. Usually with storylines involving people falling off cliffs they end up finding some secret grove or something at the bottom that allows them to practice a secret martial art that has been hidden for centuries. They are stuck at the bottom until they learn to master this art and with the new found knowledge they are able to escape from the bottom of the cliff.

I liked CT, HD, but a lot of my friends didn't like it because so many of the things they did in the movie were so unbelievable, such as the whole flying through the air and standing on bamboo...but the Chinese have been making movies of that type with those kinds of effects for years. I was watching stuff like that when I was like in middle school. People flying through the air and using their focus to explode the ground hitting energy points on your body to disable you...all that stuff has been around for years. Of course the effects weren't as good, but the mystical/magical aspect was still there. I found it kind of funny when they hyped it so much...I've seen movies like that for forever...it was just a well-made movie compared to older movies. I thought it was a cool movie, but it didn't surprise me in any way. I just think they tried to compact all of the main character's life into like a 2 hour movie and it left a lot of the Storyline out.