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its all a complex mix of emotion..mainly love,self hate and fear...i rember a similar such discussion occuring in the Rants section a while back...

the abussee just cant see a way out at times, even when they have the guts to talk to people and they just hear "leave", "dont take it" etc...there still lies the element of fear and love, its a very hard position to be in and one i dont wish upon anyone evn the lowest of the low

Male: 15 years old, will be 16 in nov.!

Andromeda18_ Wrote:Fear really is a big problem. But you know, a woman can kill a man just as easily, killing someone is a very simple thing to do, yet men aren't really afraid of women are they? I understand the position many women are in but I also think that being corageous would change things around as has been proved.

Thats true... and many people do wind up killing their abuser.

i knew a couple once, they'de always fight. the husband was actually the quiet type and the wife was the bitchy one, always wanting something (money). the husband was the only one working in the familly, so he was supporting him, his wife, and 4 other kids. one day there was a big fight and i guess the husband snapped. he grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed her a few times. she died and he is now in jail. i kinda feel sorry for him because he was such a nice guy. she, on the other hand (i didn't mean to be rude to the dead).......

Gemini Wrote:i knew a couple once, they'de always fight. the husband was actually the quiet type and the wife was the bitchy one, always wanting something (money). the husband was the only one working in the familly, so he was supporting him, his wife, and 4 other kids. one day there was a big fight and i guess the husband snapped. he grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed her a few times. she died and he is now in jail. i kinda feel sorry for him because he was such a nice guy. she, on the other hand (i didn't mean to be rude to the dead).......

That is sad and as far as being rude to the dead go those who deserve sorrow get it but that bitch deserves no pity or sorrow. She pushed him to far and she paid the price poor guy though pushed too far and his mind finally snapped....

everyone has their breaking point...
just depends how long your fuse is?!?!?!

damn i feel sorry for that guy but a life is a life...so he should have just right hooked her out cold instead or divorced her, but when you break you break and have a moment of insanity

ladysilverice Wrote:Most domestic abuse cases don't start with the beating part. It starts mentally where the abusee breaks down the abused's mental barriers. That person keeps forgiving each thing that's done to them even as they get worse and worse saying that the person still loves them. They make excuses for them saying they've just had a bad day or something. As time goes on, the accounts of abuse get gradually worse and worse, but the abused keeps forgiving them because they love them. Eventually, the abused is too afraid to tell someone either because they're afraid of more abuse, or they don't want to get the abuser in trouble.

Edit: Notice I didn't use gender, that was purposeful. I've known men to have been the abused as well as the abusee.

In my opinion those people are weak, psychologically weak. Otherwise they'd be able to put up a fight. That obviously doesn't justify the abusers actions but it does mean that in many cases the victim allows her/himself to be a victim.
And you are right, more and more men are being abused my women nowadays. The number of abused women is still much higher but the number of abused men has been growing. Now tell me, if we assume that in a general way men are physically stronger than women wouldn't a men be able to properly defend himself? If those people were psychologically strong and didn't allow the abuse to happen from the beginning they'd never end up in the position they normally end up.

rav96 Wrote:everyone has their breaking point...
just depends how long your fuse is?!?!?!

damn i feel sorry for that guy but a life is a life...so he should have just right hooked her out cold instead or divorced her, but when you break you break and have a moment of insanity

its a traditional family, no divoce allowed.


actually that was his second wife. his first wife died of an illness. the two girls was his and the two boys were hers. they still live around here (where i live). but haven't seen the boys since, but i do bump into he girls sometimes. the oldest goes to college now and the younger still in high school. i hear they're very smart and are getting full scholarship for college.

Andromeda18_ Wrote:In my opinion those people are weak, psychologically weak. Otherwise they'd be able to put up a fight. That obviously doesn't justify the abusers actions but it does mean that in many cases the victim allows her/himself to be a victim.
And you are right, more and more men are being abused my women nowadays. The number of abused women is still much higher but the number of abused men has been growing. Now tell me, if we assume that in a general way men are physically stronger than women wouldn't a men be able to properly defend himself? If those people were psychologically strong and didn't allow the abuse to happen from the beginning they'd never end up in the position they normally end up.

thats what psychology is there for........
but everyone doesn't think the same. the brain is a very delegate thing. like rav said before, everyone has a breaking point. it doesnt matter when it will happen.
you can be strong at first and then slowly the strong wall will crumble.

Gemini Wrote:its a traditional family, no divoce allowed.

eeek i know the feeling...or should i say have been raised in a marraige of zero love and just hate
welcome to my mums nightmare...she should have divorced my dad ages ago...but times have changed but my mums generation havent not to mention how stooopid asian society gossips and brings down a family's name in seconds...its F*cked up

rav96 Wrote:eeek i know the feeling...or should i say have been raised in a marraige of zero love and just hate
welcome to my mums nightmare...she should have divorced my dad ages ago...but times have changed but my mums generation havent not to mention how stooopid asian society gossips and brings down a family's name in seconds...its F*cked up

The problem is that most people still care too much about what other people think. If they didn't there'd be no way in hell gossip could bring down a family's name. I suppose that's why most people think of me as being distant. Like this guy at school who approached me the other day and said he'd been trying to talk to me for a whole semester but didn't because I seemed distant. I just keep to myself really, people who know me would tell you I'm actually a very nice and lively person. I don't want to be a victim of gossip (not that I care much) and the best way to prevent that is to keep my life secret. I hate it when people talk about other people's lives, it's none of their bussiness! :mad:

Andromeda18_ Wrote:I don't want to be a victim of gossip (not that I care much) and the best way to prevent that is to keep my life secret. I hate it when people talk about other people's lives, it's none of their bussiness! :mad:

i agree with you, i dont like gossips or rumors.
i dont like to be hated by people, so i like to be friends with everyone. i guess all my friends say i'm tooo nice.

I HATE GOSSIP WITH A PASSION...it ruins peoples lives and is EVIL

plus i like to say im friendly with everyone in general...but then again i know people who just blatantly hate me for f*ckall reason, i dont even know em properly guess i tend to rub people the wrong way, probably because they misjudge me like i tend to get from most people just from appearnce alot think im a player

but i'd like to add im never falsely friendly or nice, if i dislike you im honest about it and dont gossip behind their backs etc i just ignore them

Andromeda18_ Wrote:In my opinion those people are weak, psychologically weak. Otherwise they'd be able to put up a fight. That obviously doesn't justify the abusers actions but it does mean that in many cases the victim allows her/himself to be a victim.

The difference there again, is that it doesnt start with being a victim. It starts with a few isolated incidents where the (I will just use gender because it's easier) guy apologizes profusely saying they got upset and out of hand and it won't happen again. The girl forgives him because she loves him. Over time things escalate and get out of hand.

One of the strongest women I know ended up crumbling under an abusive relationship because she didn't know it was happening to her until it was too late. Just like the saying goes, throw a frog into boiling water and it'll jump out. Throw a frog into cold water and slowly heat it until boiling and you'll have cooked frog. A strong person can fight back from something they can see coming, but anyone can be destroyed by that one person they love. That's the danger of love.

male, i turned 23 eight days ago! done with school, oh so happy? now i must find my
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