03-01-2003, 04:46 AM
Little Johnny and his father came across his puppy, dead in the back yard.
Daddy explained that Buddy had gone to heaven. "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny, as he fought back tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Buddy's legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to take him by the leg and lift him up to heaven."Little Johnny seemed to take Buddy's death quite well. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Little Johnny had tears in his eyes as he said, "Mommy almost died this morning." Fearing something terrible had happened, his father questioned, "What do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Little Johnny, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw Mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!' And, if it hadn't been for the neighbor who was holding her down, she would have gone to Heaven just like Buddy did."
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A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the
run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the
bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!" "Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you'rereally cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."
-----------------------
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar
getting hammered. A man came in and asked the
farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this
beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some
things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the
man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting
by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket
'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked
over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer
replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied
it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk
her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she
took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't
explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it
to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her
again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the
stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm . . . " the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer
said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore
rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail
to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell
down and my wife walked in . . .
Some things you just can't explain."
Daddy explained that Buddy had gone to heaven. "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny, as he fought back tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Buddy's legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to take him by the leg and lift him up to heaven."Little Johnny seemed to take Buddy's death quite well. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Little Johnny had tears in his eyes as he said, "Mommy almost died this morning." Fearing something terrible had happened, his father questioned, "What do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Little Johnny, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw Mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, 'Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!' And, if it hadn't been for the neighbor who was holding her down, she would have gone to Heaven just like Buddy did."
----------------
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the
run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the
bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!" "Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you'rereally cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."
-----------------------
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar
getting hammered. A man came in and asked the
farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this
beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some
things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the
man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting
by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket
'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked
over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer
replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied
it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk
her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she
took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't
explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it
to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her
again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the
stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm . . . " the man said and nodded his head.
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer
said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore
rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail
to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell
down and my wife walked in . . .
Some things you just can't explain."
![[Image: optimisticox.jpg]](http://www.oldrepublic.net/optimisticox.jpg)
