long and crappy story

[Gemini]

shiety story..........
basically i work for my parents at a gas station/bait shop/ liquor store, all in one. so i guess u can imagine it pretty big. the store is run by family members only, so yes i have a big family. anywho, i myself is a worker at this place. actually i'm the manager, so u kno how much work that is. i'm actually going to be the owner of the business soon.
0O0 AHH... no o0o's and aahh's... all my life i've never stood up to my dad. maybe because through out my childhood i was fed the lines i'm right ur wrong crap. i dunno.

before this, after high school , i left home to go stay with my uncle doing nails. i was doing fine until i got that call. my brother and i talk once in awhile, but one day i got a call telling me that my dad bought a store and wanted to come back and work for the family.
i guess i thougth that since i was older now if i came back home my dad and i can see eye to eye with things.

who would have guess it but, no it didnt. i took his high tempered attitude and his impatients with everything. i thought since i was on his good side and that we actually had a decent conversation all was good. but no, same dad. meaning traditional strict dad, what i say go and stuff like that. i took his shiet for 2 more years. i'm to the point where i kno i should do something but i cant. he has a one tract mind. once something is said, it cant be changed.

i recently have a boyfriend now, he's actually my brother's friend. my brother was a bad kid before but change alot since high school ( he's 22 now ). tim's great, he's really a nice guy. always wants to help people and also think of others before himself. awwww. but anywho, daddy thinks he's like my brother, before. i tell him constantly that my brother has changed and his friend is not like him at all. but no he doesnt want to listen.

now i have a problem......
1. i was the good girl that work hard and will become the next owner of the business
2. father doesn't like my boyfriend
3. brother gets blamed for something he didnt do and shouldnt get blamed for
4. i want everone to be happy
5. father is basically hinting to choice one or the other
6. i am but a confused person that cant decide shiet.....

*i kno family is important and i'll always choice my family over anything else, but my father doesnt understand that he's gotta let it go....
* i'd also think of moving out again but, i'd also have to think about the business. i'm not try to put myself as a wonder woman, but if i left to business, it will all crumble. i take care of so much work that i'm concidered part owner.

i know i think too much... i think about other people more then myself..... i'm just too nice (i need to bichy school)....
thank u for reading my sad and long story.....
any suggesions, please do, i need more negative remark, maybe then i'll have all thing anger finally brewing in me that it will finally say something to him.

[geo85]

H'm, I am in a similar situation. Although I am not in a business relationship with my

father like you are so I don't know if jeapordizing that relationship matters to you. My

father is a very much like yours. Self-centered, uncaring, one track mind, etc. I took his

BS throughout my childhood, or at least what part of it he was there for, lately though I

have unleashed all my pent up feelings on him every chance I get, I lay it all on the line

and let me tell you I feel much better now. Now the next move is his, whether or not he

will admit his mistakes or even try to make amends. Honestly, go for it. The more you

take the crap the worse it will get for you emotionally and physically, emotional stress

puts a lot of strain on the heart and nervous system.

[Blight]

Actually, I think the business situation thing could work to your benefit here, depending how nasty you want to be that is. The way you described it, you do a lot of work that keeps the place afloat. With you gone things would get complicated and under-managed. So to me, it sounds like you got him by the balls. If he is being an ass, walk out. See how he handles it on his own. If he treats you like dirt, tell him off. Show him that he needs you a lot more than if appears to be the other way around. You can try and talk to him relationally first, and if it doesn?t work, play hard ball and use your more mature and adult attitude toward solving the situation as ammunition against him.

In the end however, parents will ALWAYS play the ?I?m the parent, and I?m always right? trump card IF YOU LET THEM! You have to look at this some what like you would an upcoming battle. Head in with you tactics, show no mercy, and if they dodn?t surrender, crush them anyway. Until you show them the strength of your will, they will treat you like this FOREVER. I now it sounds like I?m making an ?Might make Right? speech, but well, it does in a lot of instances.

But no one can rule your life unless you let them, so just don?t let them. So just tell your dad to wank off, and if he doesn?t like it, tough shit. He will learn that he can?t control you if you don?t let him, weather he actually likes it, or admits it, or not.

[Gemini]

father is a massive hard head. i tell him off or attemp to live again, its through, he'll probably say, "i dont need u, leave... i can handle this all by myself!"......
ahhhhhhh...... i really want to blow some steam off at him, but all i think about is i'm disrepecting him.
like i said before, i was fed alot of his traditional crap.

but thanks for the suggestions, u'd think he already has a hold on me. too scared shietless to say anything else besides work issues with his guy.

[Cidien]

My advice is simple. You know what you should do you're just afraid to do it. Now, you can either do it or do something you don't want to and let your father run your life. It's really that simple. Simple, but unfortunitely simple does not always mean easy.

[puzzleguy]

Gemini - Give your dad some time, Im a Dad whos having some problems with my 20 year old son, who dropped out of college, sits around, plays games all day and doesnt want a job- I have my own way of doing things and have lost my temper with him most recently and threatened to throw him out - my brother in law told me yesterday he just threw his son out of the house because he was having the same problem , and he wishes he didnt -- sometimes when we burn our bridges its tough to go back , and things can never be the same - Im not going to throw him out, Im going to work on my patience and take a step backwards and try and work this out - I love him , and Im betting your Dad loves you very much - and yes it is hard to see things threw someone elses eyes-- give him some room and give yourself some room , its tough for people to change once theyve been that way most of their lives - Maybe take him out to lunch and talk about some of the wonderfull times you had with him when you were a kid , camping, fishing - what ever he did that made you happy when you were little and tell him how much you love him -- he will enjoy that as much as you do , I did this with my dad recently and it brough us alot closer- just something to think about .

[Nina182B]

Gemini, are you asian? Just wondering, because I know that with asian parents, it's hard to go up against them. Most asians I know grew up with the mentality of always obeying the parents, take care of the family, and yeah, who you go out with needs the parents blessings. That can be tough, especially since it sounds like you do care about the business and the family.

The way I handled my parents was to have a long heart to heart talk and no matter what they said, I did not change my mind about what I wanted and I kept bringing up valid reasons to explain to them my decisions. It took forever and I even cried a lot.. I think the crying was what finally did it, because my dad realized how much I wanted what I wanted & that he was making me miserable. In the end, I'm sure your dad loves you and only wants what's best for you. So if you stick to what you want & don't give up, maybe he'll come around. It's not like you have to choose one thing.. I hope you can do what you want & have your dad's approval.

[Andromeda18_]

I feel like telling you something along the lines of what Cidien told you. If I were you I wouldn't really care if I would end up being disrespectful or not. It's my life, my future, and I'll live it the way I want without letting anyone get in the way even if it meant breaking up with my family. On the other hand, I'm not the type to sit around all day without studying or working and living off my parents. In my opinion that's not living one's life, that's not being independent. I hope you don't take this the wrong way puzzleguy but if I had a son like yours I wouldn't be patient, that's usually what spoils them. I'd certainly take some drastic measures. Even if I didn't throw him out I'd stop feeding him and paying for any of his expenses. He certainly would have to get a job if he wanted to eat. I don't condone something that I would never do, and I'm too proudful to behave like that.

Having said that I think you should follow Nina's advice Gemini. She comes from a similar background and knows what it's like to be in your shoes. I believe you should try doing things that way and resort to drastic measures only if it didn't work. However what most of the advices here have in common is that they all state you must stand up to your father, one way or another, and you must find the courage to do so. You have to rise above your upbringing.

Please, just don't allow anybody to separate you from your boyfriend. I've seen that happen far to many times and it's always the saddest thing.

[Blight]

Having said that I think you should follow Nina's advice Gemini. She comes from a similar background and knows what it's like to be in your shoes.

I agree too. My advice is probably to hard-edged for me to seriously give out. I'm not saying I wouldn't follow my own advice, but that is the problem with it; it is me and I don't give a damn what someone thinks if they are standing between me and a goal (which is probably wrong of me anyway). Nina seems to have very similar circumstances surrounding the issue so her advice does seem the most viable for your situation...but if it don't work wage war till your side and dust are all that is left.