07-11-2005, 06:37 PM
Here's an update and some insight into the whole relationship thing.
First, my wife doesn't want me to sell my anime just to pay for the counselling. We've got some other investments that she's been holding back that she is going to part with to pay for this. In another month my new job will start covering the expenses of counselling (we might just try to wait the month out and let my job pay for it all).
Here's the situation with the open relationship. The last time I had sex was two months ago... with my wife. The time before that was also two months and also with my wife. Before that was a Christmas party with a woman that my wife set me up with. She knows exactly how much time I've spent with other women and I feel confident in saying that aspect of our relationship isn't part of the problem.
For the past year and a half both of us have been unemployed and we both started our new jobs officially on May 2nd. My time away from home is a relatively new experience for us after having spent the previous two years unable to afford a sitter to get out of the house together. I feel that being forced to stay home all the time without being able to get away from our daughter together is part of the wedge that has been driven between us.
Another extremely big part of the problem between us is the way we manage money. She likes to have enough money in the bank to cover a full month worth of bills and food and doesn't feel comfortable without that. I've been more likely to live with things closer to the edge and have been known to spend money on anime rather than save towards that cushion for her comfort. This difference is one of the largest parts of the problems between us these days.
A problem that I'm still not sure how major it is is the difference we have in spirituality. I believe in a sort of universal spirit that is essentially mindless and that every person is in control of their own lives with random events that can't be planned for. She believes that there is some sort of cosmic balance that doing good deeds will return good deeds. She also follows a set of Wiccan beliefs that I have trouble buying into. This difference in spirituality is probably a bigger part of the wedge than I give it credit for.
Then there's the fact that we share almost nothing in common any more other than our beautiful daughter. Her interests have begun to focus on spirituality and middle eastern dancing while I've stagnated with anime, comic books, gaming, the SCA, photography, video games and the all the rest of the hobbies I've enjoyed over the years.
To top things off, she hasn't been sexually attracted to me in a number of years. Most of the time she agrees to have sex with me it out of a sense of duty rather than because she wants to. Since the birth of our daugheter we've been averaging about once per season. Even though we have an open relationship, neither of us have been pursuing other lovers. We both know there has been a problem with our relationship and going to someone else isn't a solution.
I thank everyone for their support and feedback with this. You guys are a great community to be a part of and I'm happy to have you all with me on this.
First, my wife doesn't want me to sell my anime just to pay for the counselling. We've got some other investments that she's been holding back that she is going to part with to pay for this. In another month my new job will start covering the expenses of counselling (we might just try to wait the month out and let my job pay for it all).
Here's the situation with the open relationship. The last time I had sex was two months ago... with my wife. The time before that was also two months and also with my wife. Before that was a Christmas party with a woman that my wife set me up with. She knows exactly how much time I've spent with other women and I feel confident in saying that aspect of our relationship isn't part of the problem.
For the past year and a half both of us have been unemployed and we both started our new jobs officially on May 2nd. My time away from home is a relatively new experience for us after having spent the previous two years unable to afford a sitter to get out of the house together. I feel that being forced to stay home all the time without being able to get away from our daughter together is part of the wedge that has been driven between us.
Another extremely big part of the problem between us is the way we manage money. She likes to have enough money in the bank to cover a full month worth of bills and food and doesn't feel comfortable without that. I've been more likely to live with things closer to the edge and have been known to spend money on anime rather than save towards that cushion for her comfort. This difference is one of the largest parts of the problems between us these days.
A problem that I'm still not sure how major it is is the difference we have in spirituality. I believe in a sort of universal spirit that is essentially mindless and that every person is in control of their own lives with random events that can't be planned for. She believes that there is some sort of cosmic balance that doing good deeds will return good deeds. She also follows a set of Wiccan beliefs that I have trouble buying into. This difference in spirituality is probably a bigger part of the wedge than I give it credit for.
Then there's the fact that we share almost nothing in common any more other than our beautiful daughter. Her interests have begun to focus on spirituality and middle eastern dancing while I've stagnated with anime, comic books, gaming, the SCA, photography, video games and the all the rest of the hobbies I've enjoyed over the years.
To top things off, she hasn't been sexually attracted to me in a number of years. Most of the time she agrees to have sex with me it out of a sense of duty rather than because she wants to. Since the birth of our daugheter we've been averaging about once per season. Even though we have an open relationship, neither of us have been pursuing other lovers. We both know there has been a problem with our relationship and going to someone else isn't a solution.
I thank everyone for their support and feedback with this. You guys are a great community to be a part of and I'm happy to have you all with me on this.
Gullible isn't in the dictionary.