Theory...

[Puppet Master]

I usually don?t cry either. The only time I really lost it was when my uncle died. I was sitting in the chapel and everyone kept pestering me to go up to the coffin and I just couldn?t. If I saw him lying there I would have to accept something that I could not believe. When they forcibly dragged my ass up there, I shattered like a brittle mirror and was over come by the reality of its shards which made me shed tears equal in number. My mind didn?t work right for weeks, and the lasting effects of his death are far more powerful than any other in my life. I admit there are still times like it seems he?s not really gone and when I think about him I have to swallow to get that damn lump out of my throat.

The first time I went to a funeral I did have an extremly hard time facing the reality of it all. I had a hard time even staying in the same room as the body it was so depressing I kept going to the downstairs area to get something to drink. The reason it was depressing is it was the first time I had to face reality for what it is that people die and it really tears your very heart and soul to shreds and scatters them across existence. Being a Paul Bearer[sp?] for the first time and not even knowing before hand didnt help much. I don't mind that job but when you never even heard of it much less expect it the pain just intensifies...