Batz's different story
#1
Nothing new or really origanal, but I wrote it to try & write something with little if any plot, which I wasn't successfuly at, & I'm not finished, it's still in first draft, & 7 out of 10 page.
Also all indentions were removed when I pasted it, & I'm to lazy to put them back. The main char had to do some lame stuff, because I was trying to show that he wasn't such a goody goody, so some parts don't really fit in.

The basic thing about the enemies, superiors, is they are like enemies from Devil May Cry in that you shoot the hell out of them, & it does nothing, then they die. But, later you'll see how the plot twist a bit.


The click of a sound recorder can be heard as the voice of Dr. Gaku begins to speak. ?Someone once said God made the perfect being, & I our kind thought it was human. But now with all the things wrong with our world how can you be sure? We cannot, nor do we want to know the truth. He is one of them, one of the superior ones. He kills with no remorse, using strengths no human could have.?

West Seibu:
Through the desert walks a man dress in all black. His skin pale, yet dark. Upon his back he carries a sword, with a black hilt, inside a black shieth, while at his waist sits a gun. A long slender gun, which like the rest of his clothes, was colored black. A dry wind blows through what bit of his black hair that isn?t covered by his trench coat. With each step he left a foot print, which would disappear only a few seconds later by the shifting sand carried by the wind. Sand swirls around through the air.

West Seibu; SuNaji:
One of the keiyabei wielding superiors enters the pub. All men at the bar scatter from his path. Even the town hore dares not go near him. He sits down on the center stool. ?Ooame Rika!? He commands to the man behind the counter. The bar tender puts a shot glass of strong liquor in from of the superior. The superior finishes drink, then asks for another. The bar tender pours him another, then backs way.

A man pushes at the winging doors to the pub. Kaze watches as a blade cuts through the door, leaving the man in front of the door in two pieces. With the death of a man the hore takes off running up the stairs to the bedrooms. The superior snatches his keiyabei back by its chain, then throws it at the hore. Just as the blade nears, a gunshot can be heard. The keiyabei blade smashes through the wall in front of the hore. She turns to see what has saved her, but only gets a small glance of Kaze before the keiyabei is pulled back, cutting her in half as it returns. The superior turns around, throwing his blade at a man wearing all black.

Kaze jumps to the rafters, then to the second floor, in front of the doors to the bedrooms. Quickly moving through the bedroom in front of him he nears the window. The superior throws his keiyabei into the ceiling, catching it on a strong rafter, then giving one good pull he jumps to the second floor. As he stands in front of the door Kaze entered, bullets rip through the door, slowing the superior down as he walks in. He snatches his keiyabei free, causing a small part of the roof to fall in onto the bottom floor. He then swings it around, ripping through the walls.

Kaze quickly draws a second gun from his coat, with his left hand. He jumps backwards through the window, dodging the blade, then opens fire. The rapid speed of his guns pushed him back, into the air. He stops firing, then moves his long black gun into his left hand, placing the other back where it came from. He lands then aims up at the window. A loud crashing sound can be heard coming from inside. Kaze redirects his aim to the wall in front of him. The superior bursts through the wall, throwing his keiwabei.

Kaze shoots the blade, sending it off course to the left, then begins to fire at his target once again. As the superior snatches back on the chain, Kaze does a backflip over the blade returning by him. Kaze put his gun at his side, taking from his back a double-barrel shotgun. He lands as the superior charges at him. Kaze rolls forward, stopping at the feet of his enemy, he fires the shotgun up, three shots, each pushing the enemy further & further into the air, & each ripping at his skin. Kaze quickly switches back to using his black gun with his left hand. With such quick firing rate the superior stayed a mid-air.

He threw his keiwabei another time. Kaze uses his right hand to draw his sword from his back, then slap the on-coming blade aside. He then throws his sword at the superior. Spinning like a saw blade is cuts through him, then returns to Kaze?s hand. Kaze moves his gun back to his side as both pieces of the superior fall to the ground. One of the men from the pub returns with the town mayor. The mayor steps up to Kaze. ?It is my understanding that you are responsible for this matter. I?m sorry, but I must ask you to leave.? He says throwing a bag of gold at Kaze?s feet. Without a word, Kaze picks up the bag of gold, then begins to walk n through the desert.

That night as Kaze walks through the freezing cold desert he spots the headlight of some sort of vehicle. More lights come from the vehicle as it begins to move. As what can now be seen as a jeep comes within fifthly yards Kaze draws his black gun. The lights of two more jeeps come on, one on each side of the first. With eight shots all sources of light go dead. With only moon light to give away his position Kaze seems to fade into the darkness. He drops to the ground, waiting for the jeeps to get closer. As they come within 10 yards, he rolls in the way of the left jeep. He takes his sword from its case. His blade seems to glow in the moonlight. It slices the jeep in half. He then throws his sword into the air so that it spins in place for a bit. The other two jeeps do a ?U? turn. The men begin to shoot at the glowing sword as they drive towards it.

Kaze takes his shotgun from his back, then runs towards the right jeep. He slides like a baseball player, & while under the jeep, fires his shotgun, ripping up the jeep, & killing the men in it. The last jeep passes by the sword, which now lays on the ground, & turn around. Kaze takes three shots, killing the three men from the first jeep. Seeing the bright blaze of hot lead firing from his gun, the last jeep turns toward Kaze. He quickly switches out his shotgun for his black gun. He runs toward the last jeep dodging their fire, he steps on the hood of their jeep, he jumps into the air, performs a half-flip twist, then fires three more shots.

The jeep drives for a few more yards, then comes to a stop. Kaze holds his hand out towards his sword, which returns to his hand. He puts away all his weapons, then jumps into the jeep, throwing dead bodies from it. He drives off in the direction he was going before. Although he couldn?t see his path very well, he knew it well. So the jeep seemed to make a great tilt down. Kaze jumps from the jeep, taking his black gun out, then drawing another gun with his left hand. He points them at the ground & beings to fire them, slowly at first, but right before touching the ground he begins to fire quickly, until landing. He walks a ten yards to find himself in Wakinnoa.

He walks into the pub. As he passes through the room on the way to the bar, a young lady catches his eye. He sits at the bar. ?Could you tell me where that woman over there is from?? The bar tender turns to face Kaze. ?Information is for customers only.? The bartender answers. ?I?ll take a room.? Kaze says throwing a piece of gold on the bar. ?She started coming around here not to long ago. A strange man follows her round, & he has one heck of a temper. This will cover the room, but as for her price,? He says motioning behind Kaze. ?You?ll have to take that up with her.?

Kaze turns around, shaking his bag of gold in her face. He then proceeds up stairs, as she follows. After entering his room, he closes the door behind the girl. As he locks the door she takes off her blue dress. Wearing only a white button up shirt & a pink thong, she stands in front of the bed. Kaze throws her upon the bed. Then taking his black gun, he covers her mouth with one hand, then shoots her in the chest. She lets out the faintest of a scream. He rips her shirt open to find no bullet wound. He snatches her up from the bed, slamming her up against the wall, while covering her mouth again.

?Are you one of them?? He asks her. She shakes her head no. Kaze removes his hand from her mouth. Tears begin to pour from her eyes. ?I ran from him. He?s still around here, but as long as he gets his money, he will not hurt anyone, so please do not do anything to endanger this town.? Kaze points his gun to her leg. He shoots the strap of her thong, causing it to fall off, leaving no bullet hole. ?You?re a superior, yet you cry in front of one such as me?? ?I have the blood, the body, the composition of a superior, but I do not like war. Battle is a scary thing, I just want to be left alone.? She explains.

?And you do not fight for your freedom?? Kaze asks slowly. ?It is easier to give in, & pay his demands. Now, please can we just get this over with, he?ll be here to collect tomorrow, & this is the last job I need.? She begs. ?I have no honor, nothing to up hold, I am a mere man.? He says licking her neck, then the side of her face. He puts his gun away as they move to the bed.

At around twelve thirty Kaze awakes to find his arm around the female superior. As he moves his arm she rolls over to face him. ?How would you like to get started on the money for his visit after next?? Kaze asks. The superior smiles as she climbs atop Kaze.

The next morning Kaze awakes to find his arm around the hore again. Below he can hear a rumbling. Kaze gets out of bed, puts on his clothes, then wakes his friend. ?Again?? She asks as she comes to. Kaze throws her dress at her, telling her to get dressed. When both of them were through Kaze took from his coat a shotgun. He spins it around on his finger, then points the hand to the female superior. ?Take it, & use it.? Kaze commands. She takes the gun. ?Stand by the door & shoot him when he comes in."

Kaze opens the door, looking down below he sees a superior holding a man by the neck. Kaze takes one shot, hitting the superior in the head. The superior turns around to see Kaze duct back into his room. The superior throws the man down, then takes his club from the ground. He slowly walks up the stairs. Kaze stands on the opposite side of the door as the hore. As the superior takes a step in front of the door Kaze leaps in front of the door & begins firing his gun. Through the door burst a giant wooden club. It swats Kaze through wall behind him.

As the superior walks in to see where is victim landed, the hore moves behind him. Then, with three shots from the shotgun, sends him flying out the whole made by Kaze?s body. By the time the superior hit the ground Kaze had opened fire, using his black gun, & the other one he normally draws from his coat. The superior gets to his feet, & begins to walk toward Kaze, who walks forward. As they come within two yards of each other the superior swings his club around. Kaze jumps back, then while in mid-air flips forward. He draws his sword, diving downward in a great slice.

The superior holds up his club to block, but Kaze cuts through it, & his arm, leaving no wound, nor scar, only ripped clothing. The superior back hands Kaze with what is left of his club. More shotgun fire comes from the hole in the side of the pub. The superior turns around, throwing his club at the hore, which is knocked to the ground. Before he turns back around, a sword exits his chest. It slices up through his skull, this time leaving a small discoloration in his skin.

Instead of turning to face Kaze, the superior walks towards the wall of the pub. Taking this opening Kaze attack his back with multiple slashes, & slices. As the superior nears the pub, he dives forward, grabbing the shotgun the hore dropped from above, from the ground. He aims at Kaze, but does not fire in time. The hore, who had jumped in front of the gun, flies back through the air. Kaze sheaths his sword, then jumps to her aid. He lays her on the ground, then jumps out the way of another round bullets.

Kaze moves quickly, dodging in & around the shotgun fire. He runs past the superior, up the wall beside him, then turns to strike him. He slices the superior across the face, leaving a wound, then brings the blade back across his chest. As the superior fires again Kaze flips over him then taking the gun from his hands, the shoots him in the back, but the superior catches him off, guard, & as he is sent forward by the gunshot, pulls the gun from Kaze?s hand.

Kaze throws his secondary handgun to the hore, who was moving closer. He then switches his black gun into his left hand. As the superior shoots the shotgun Kaze makes quick work of the bullets, shooting each one with perfect accuracy. The hore opens fire on the giant. He turns to her, & begins to shoot her multiple times with the shotgun. It only rips at her clothes, leaving her with little pain. Kaze taps the superior on the shoulder. Before the superior responds, he takes one last shot at the hore, one of the bullets from his shot rips open a wound in her shoulder, while another nearly takes her left arm.

The superior turns to Kaze to find a gun in his face. Kaze pulls the trigger. With the shot the superior?s head flies back, opening his mouth. Kaze shoves the barrel of his gun inside the superior?s mouth, firing five shots before he even responds. The superior shoots the shotgun at Kaze, who jumps into the air, slicing down with his sword. His sword cuts through the superior, leaving him in two pieces.




In the bus that rides through the dark lonely night, sits a young lad. A boy with tan skin, & hair so white that sunlight reflected from it would blind any man who did not wear shades, which he did. The glasses of which were the darkest thing, other than his soul. He was wearing bright white clothes. He took off his shades as he leaned back to take a nap.

Not long after he drifted to sleep the bus stopped to let on a mother & young. The young boy ran through the aisle of the bus seat, tripping on Shisumi?s foot, which had moved out into the path as he slept. With a big thump the kid hit the ground. Without even looking at the kid, Shisumi reaches over, then taking the kid by his shirt, sets him on his feet. Blood pours down the kid?s face, coming from his nose. As the kid begins to cry Shisumi waves his hand in front of the kids face the stops flowing, crumbles & falls from the kid. The mother runs to her child, who had quit crying, to check on him. As she looked up at Shisumi she quickly push her child on, & moved to the back of the bus, where they were to sit.

Shisumi puts his shades back on, then goes back to sleep. He awakes as the bus comes to a halt. As men with knives & guns rush onto the bus Shisumi centers his shades. ?Everyone, your valuables, & money, throw it down the hall.? Commands the leader of the bandits. Standing up Shisumi softly speaks to the leader. ?I?m terribly sorry, but would you please leave before anyone gets hurt?? The leader only laughs. ?Before anyone gets hurt? You guys hear that?? Shisumi removes his glasses, revealing his coal black eyes. ?Their pain shall be my power.? The leader steps back, then fires his handgun at Shisumi.

Shisumi swings hand in front of himself. Each bullet bounces to the side & with each bullet his eyes flash gray. He holds his hand out towards the leader, then with a few quick movements of his wrist black spikes rip through his enemy. They dissipate leaving a holy corpse, lying limp upon the ground, with blood collecting in a pool around it. The other bandits scatter as Shisumi walks through the exit of the bus. He puts on his shades, & begins to walk through the desert.

Within hours a bright light quickly moves over head in the sky. Shisumi removes his shades. As he stares at the light with glowing gray eyes it bursts into flames. The once high flying light, now a bright burning chunk of medal going down for an emergency landing. Shisumi gazes into the night sky, he blinks. ?Divine?? He says as he puts on his shades, & begins to walk toward the crashing ship.



The next mourning Kaze awakes once again beside the superior hore. He quietly moves from the bed. Already wearing his clothes, he moves to the door. As he opens the door a voice calls out to him. ?Where are you going?? He Kaze quietly walks on, ignoring the question. As he walks out the entrance to the pub she calls out to him again. ?Hey, wait. I just want to thank you again.? Without even turning around Kaze walks off. ?You say tat like I?m one of the good guys.? He says just before leaving her audible range.


In the distance Shisumi can see a glimmering object. As he comes closer he can tell it is a bus, not much different from the one he got off of not to long ago. Upon reaching the bus he cannot see any people in the bus. He walks around the side of the bus to find a hand full of people sitting on the ground in the shade of the bus. As he walks into the shade one of the men raises his hand towards Shisumi, & let?s out a moan. Shisumi kneels at the man?s side. He moves his hand over the man?s face, returning him to normal condition.

He looks around to see a father & his two daughters dehydrated, laying up against the bus. Shisumi swings his hand out towards them, splashing some life back into them. He takes the oldest, which looks to be about seventeen or so, which n this day & time is about an average age, considering with the superiors around more people die young, by their hand. He pulls her to her feet, assuring her & her family of her safety. He walks her a dead mother, who is not only carrying a child, but also holds one in her stiff arms.

Shisumi grabs the shirt of girl beside him. He rips it across her left shoulder, then while still holding her still rips at her bra, until her left breast is exposed. Then he puts his open hand on the shoulder of the dead mother. A white light flows from the mother, through Shisumi, then into the girl. The mother?s stomach goes flat as the teenage girl?s stomach inflates with new life. He then lifts the near dead baby from the mother?s dead arms, & hand it to the girl. Shisumi hold his hands over the girls exposed breast. ?Senkyou nyou, enchant breast, enchant milk.? He says causing her breast to glow.

?It?s either you or I, & I haven?t the time to breast feed a one year old. That way,? He points right of the direction he?s traveling. ?there?s a town not two far away.? He says as he turns away from the people at the bus, & walks away, ignore all questions. He disappears from their site in a sandstorm.



Kaze soon comes to the mountainous hill on the other side of the valley where the last town he came from lies. He takes out his black gun in his left hand, & his spare handgun in his right. He jumps into the air, then does a front flip moving higher into the air. Before plummeting to the ground, he begins to fire his guns, pushing himself further into the air. He does another flip, then kicks off the mountain side, landing of a cliff. He double jumps through the air, landing out of the valley below. He looks out into the vast desert, seeing only a giant sand tornado.



Not long after entering the sandstorm does Shisumi find the source, a great sand tornado. ?The bus.? He thinks as he runs toward it.



Kaze runs, jumping into the tornado. He senses something in there, but doesn?t stay long enough investigate. Almost as soon as he entered he shot around the tornado, using it for a slingshot effect.


Shisumi gazes around the tornado as he moves closer & closer to the eye. Upon entering the eye, he pulls from nothing his white staff, which he jabs into the ground. The tornado promptly stops, as his staff enters the sand.


Kaze sails forward, he kicks off of a cactus, flips over, then lands at a stop. He turns toward a burning blaze in the distance, & begins his journey once again. From behind he senses a movement. He takes out his black gun, then turns to see his attacker.

As Shisumi quickly hovers over the ground he sees a black object in the distance. As he comes closer bullets hit the ground in front of him sending dirt up in his face. He brakes his flight, landing softly on the ground. ?You wouldn?t happen to be the owner of this?? Shisumi ask taking a handgun from his belt. Kaze spins his gun of his finger, then puts it at his back. ?I?ll take that as a yes. I found it back there in the sand storm.? Shisumi says handing the gun to Kaze. ?Thank you.? Kaze says slowly. ?My pleasure. One request, don?t go that way. That bright blaze is a fire, a fire which scorches the living causing them pain, pain which gives me power. If you?ll excuse me, I must be on my way.? ?Understood.? Kaze says nodding his head.

He turns to the left a bit & begins walking again. Shisumi calls out to him. ?If you?d like I can get you there a bit quicker.? ?No thank you.? Kaze answers. ?Divine.? Shisumi says to himself, as he leaps into the air & begins to quickly hover toward the burning fire again.

After good while of traveling Kaze sees a man slowly walking through the desert coming from the fire. He had a few bad burns that seemed to slowly recede. Kaze takes from his back his double-barrel shotgun. As he comes closer to the unexpecting traveler he takes aim. Firing one shot to the enemy?s back, then two more to the enemy?s legs. The traveler drops to the ground. Kaze walks past the man, not leaving his path.


Shisumi arrives at the fire. He jumps into the air coming down at the base of it with his staff drawn. Shoving it into the ground, a giant sandstorm comes up from the ground. It outs the fire reveling what is left of a forest. Scanning the area Shisumi looks for any sign of life. He looks up into the sky. ?Divine?? He looks to the left of the giant island of charcoal. He walks over to its side. On the ground he sees what looks like a drag pattern in the sand. He follows it. Soon it can be seen that the person who made the pattern got to their feet, but still dragged their left leg. But, like before after a while they became healthier, & began to walk normally.

Shisumi walks up on the body of a man lying on the ground. His legs shot up, & scars on his back. He kneels down beside the man. ?Where is your leader?? He asks as he pokes at the man waking him up. ?Where is he?? The man grabs at Shisumi, but misses. ?You don?t want a piece of me.? Shisumi says as he stands up, & takes a step back from the guy. The guy once again swings an arm out at him. ?You asked for it. Your pain shall give me the power to kill you!? Shisumi exclaims as he extends his arms over the enemy. With the flash of a bright light the superior is able to freely move with no pain.

After getting to his feet he draws his sword. Rushing at Shisumi, he swings his great sword. Out of nowhere swings a black sword blocking the attack. The superior jumps back. The black sword floats around Shisumi, spinning & twirling. Shisumi rushes forward. The sword swings around knocking the superior?s from him, then slices him repeatedly, until he falls to his knees.

The black sword comes to Shisumi?s hand as he sets in the final blow. The superior falls to the ground, a large gash in his neck, from which no blood pours. Shisumi holds his hand out towards the dead superior. Grabbing his soul he pulls it to himself. He drops his sword, it spins around, then disappears. He pulls the answers of his questions from what bit of a soul the superior had. He then throws the soul away, striking it with his staff. He turns the way the superior had been traveling, he jumps up, & begins to hover forward, leaving a dust trail behind to follow his path.


As Kaze is walking through the desert he hears the loud whistle of a train, which two small kids had pulled. He looks in the direction in which the sound came to see an old ragged train moving at a slightly slow. He runs at an angle heading for it. He jumps into the air, then jumps a second time, landing on the top of the train. He moves to the back on the train, where he jumps down to the back platform, then walks through the back door. Upon walking through the door someone walks out of the ladies? room, bumping into him. She looks up at his face. ?You?re late,? She says with girlish laugh ?I?m already done in the bathroom.? Kaze looks up to see the hore he left in the last town.

Kaze moves past her. ?Hey, where are you going?? She asks. ?Nothing of my past should be remembered.? He says as he walks to the front of the cart. He opens the door, & walks into the second cart, where fewer people sit. He takes the middle set of seats or the left side. Lying across both of them. He begins to relax. Just when he becomes comfortable the back of his seat shakes. He opens his eyes to see the hore staring at him from above. ?I don?t even know your name.? She says. Kaze says nothing, but turns over. ?Well I?m Aishi.? Kaze moves to the seat next to the window, then leans up against it in an attempt to sleep. ?Come on, what?s your name?? Aishi asks again.? Kaze takes his black gun from his back throwing it to her. She catches it, but drops in into the seat next to Kaze as it burns her hands.

?Ouch,? She exclaims. ?That hurt!? She leans over the back of the seat. Looking at the gun she reads from the handle an engraved name ?Kaze.? ?So that?s your name, Kaze?? Kaze takes his gun from the seat, putting in at his back. ?Kaze is the name of the gun, which I was named after.? ?It?s so sad, it?s like you were born to lead the life of a gunman.? ?Divine.? Shisumi says as he walks through the door into the cart where the other two sit. Kaze nods to Shisumi upon hearing his voice.

?You two know each other?? Aishi asks. Kaze turns to look out the window. ?Yes, we?ve met before.? Shisumi answers as he sits down across from Kaze & Aishi.



A superior dressed in the clothes of a peachier takes the stand. ?Those of you here today are those of the human race who are willing to give peace between the superiors & humans a chance. I would like to start this speech with? He is interrupted as the doors of the church burst open. A big man dragging some object almost as big as himself slowly walks through the doors. ?Is this the peace meeting?? He asks in a deep grim voice. ?Why yes, please, please do come in.? ?Thanks.? The stranger replies. He swings his package around to his front, throwing a sheet from it; he revels a huge chain gun.

Fire blazes from the barrel as he opens fire, first ripping through the preacher, then the people who began to run, & last every living thing in the room. When nothing moved, he turns around, leaving nearly eight hundred bullet shells on the ground in a nice sized pile.


The train comes to a slow stop. Kaze stands, & walks to the exit. Shisumi stands up; he taps Aishi on the shoulder waking her up as he walks to the exit. Aishi quickly jumps to her feet, quickly moving to the exit. As they stand outside on the train Shisumi takes off his glasses, & gazes into the sky. He quickly reacts to the sound of a firing chain gun. Throwing up his hands bullets stop in their tracks, falling to the ground. Kaze rolls stopping knelt down, holding to guns pointed at a gigantic man holding a huge chain gun.

The man stops his gunfire. ?Twenty years of training to kill your kind, nothing will stop me.? ?Not so fast.? Kaze says pulling back the hammer of his secondary gun. The large man glances at him. ?And you? You defend him? Can you not tell by his eyes what he is?? The big guy asks him. ?I?m sorry to tell you, but the bullets don?t match up. You could shoot him for hours without even leaving a scratch, but on the other hand, with one bullets I could stop this whole dilemma.? Kaze says pulling back the hammer of his black gun, which he holds in his left hand.

?No one bullet can stop me. I am but no ordinary man.? Kaze looks his enemy over. ?I?m not aiming at you.? ?You haven?t the skill to destroy my gun.? ?I?m in a good mood, & will make you a deal. You shoot at him.? He motions at Shisumi. ?And if one bullet even touches him, or is deflected by him you can have your way with the girl.? Aishi yell at him. ?Hey, I?m no prize!? ?Shut it!? Kaze commands. ?So, what?s your answer?? The big guy takes a bit of time to think. ?Hmm, sounds fun. Time to watch the blood fly. I?ll try to make it slow & painful.?

Kaze nods to Shisumi, who lowers his hands to his side. Kaze stands up. ?Go!? Kaze yells out. The big guy begins to quickly turn the handle of the chain gun. Flashes of fire come from the gun as it spits bullets in the direction of Shisumi. Moving quickly Kaze fires with lightning speed, deflecting each bullet. He quickly spins 180 degrees, then holding one gun over, while the other under his shoulder, he continues to hit each bullet. Kaze does a backflip while firing, landing in the path of the bullets, still blazing.

He puts away his right gun, increasing the firing rate of his black gun, while he draws his sword. He spins his sword in path of the bullets, while flips over the spinning sword, then jumps once again landing beside the big guy. He points the gun to his head. Kaze fires seven shots into the skull of his enemy as the big guy swings his chain gun around. Kaze jumps to the side, but his clothes are caught in the path of the chain gun. Shisumi quickly throws his arms up towards Kaze.

The bullets disappear before hitting him. Kaze?s shirt blows in the wind revealing his scared body. All gunfire ceases. Shisumi falls to one knee. ?He bares the scares.? ?Yes, they?re all over his body.? Aishi explains. Shisumi begins to breathe deeply. ?I must rest. Quickly.? Aishi calls to Kaze. ?Come here, hurry. Something?s wrong with Shisumi.? Kaze walks to them, taking his sword from the ground as he passes the spot where it landed blade first.

Kaze kneels by his side. ?He needs a medic, get help.? Aishi runs off. Kaze turns to the big guy. ?Kyoku, we must call a truces for now.? Kyoku lowers his gun to his side. ?You know me?? ?We?ll talk later.? Kaze says as the town medic arrives. They pick Shisumi up from the ground, & quickly move him to the office of the doctor. ?You must treat him as though he were shot.? Kaze instructs the doctor in his usual, slow, & calm voice. ?How can I treat what I can?t see?? The doctor franticly asks. Kaze takes from his back his secondary gun. He fires seven shots into the torso of Shisumi.

?My God man, what are you doing?? The Doctor demands. ?Don?t worry, he can?t feel a thing. And now you have something to work with.? Kaze says as he walks out of the room, into the waiting room where he finds Aishi on one side & Kyoku on the other.




I perrty much know what's going to happen, just to lazy to finish anything these days. But, what do you the reader think will happen? Also please cut down my work, turn it into mush & give me something to work with towards fixing it up. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#2
wow! nice and long, havnt read it yet, but I am going to bed pretty soon, and I usually read before a go to bed, but instead of continue on my current book I will print this out and read it :mrgreen:

....hope its good :wink:
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#3
I hate to let you down OptimisticOx, but it isn't the best thing I ever wote, but it's not THE worst.
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#4
alright, heres what I think:
I like the concept, but there isn't any dfined plot in the begining, its just a bunch of sensless action and sex. another thing is that you need to try to use more vivid virbs and adictives at some times, like when describing the main character I didnt really get a good feel for him, it was just, he was black, it didnt really seem like I new his face to well. one thing I did think that you did well is the dialogue. but the structure around it was sometimes confusing.

well you said to give you mush and this is as much mush as I can give out besides spellin, grammar etc. :mrgreen:

ok well overall I would just have to say to put more length into the begining section with kind of a cool intro to what this world is, and then just read through the rest of it and try to fix some of the comfusion.

despite these flaws, I enjoyed reading it, and I would like to know what happens next :mrgreen:
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#5
Ok, I'll have to copy & paste your post so that I'll have it around next time I start to write.

The main char wasn't really explained much because I wrote the story mainly for my friends & when they ask I just show them the cover to FF:U & point to Kaze the Black Wind, but I'l try to fix that problem.

And about an intro, although this isn't my most successful attempt, I'm trying to give away the setting at certain points in the story, like the conversation between Kaze & Kyoku, which wasn't posted. In that they start to explain what is, or atleast has been going on. Plus as it stands few may be able to guess what will happen in the end, which I would like to hear a few guess.
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: Evil Out


Yay it posts again, before it wouldn't let me post anything.
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#6
nice, I guess that.... KAZE GOES INSANE AND KILLS EVERYONE ON EARTH!!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:


... actually I have no Idea, you have me stumped, Batz :mrgreen:
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#7
lol, & it seems you're about he only one whocare eough to guess.
*misses the pie* Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#8
yeah, well you asked so I did :mrgreen: yeah, sorry for getting off but my dad needed to use the computer and I dont actually have my own, well except my labtop but I had to send that in for repairs...
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#9
Has Steve made a single post since the day Sad ?

Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#10
monday march third was his last post, heres the link:
http://www.import-anime.com/phpbb2/viewt...ght=#19811

Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#11
thanks for the link & I hope your laptop gets fixed soon!
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#12
yeah, but my dad brought home the computer sooner than expected. and it turns out that he is still pissed at me, and he doesnt want me to use it. so right now I am home sick and he is at work. and just to be sure that he doesnt find out, I am on my brothers acount using an alternate brouser. :mrgreen:
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#13
*bows*Very good Ox-son :mrgreen:


my leg is bleeding now, might as well end post. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply
#14
yeah, my dad has been like that on more than one occation.

right now I will tell a story that i would never tell in public for fear of ...well I cant really put it into words...

a while ago, my dad bought some rootbeer and some ice cream and he asked me and my brother if we would like a rootbeer float. well anyway, I got mine first and then my brother only had a bit more icecream to use and it was completely dried out and disguesting. so my brother said that he wanted some out of the new carton, but my father got inncredibly mad for some reason so my brother said he would just not have any at all, but my dad being the nerotic freak that he is, even got more pissed, until the point where he took my brother and I's almost bran new N64 and put it in the trash. luckly we got it back and he forgot about it.... *whew :mrgreen:
Live life the way you want to, but one day, you might not wake up, and we all know why......
THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!

[Image: optimisticox.jpg]
Reply
#15
Damn.... he sounds like an ass (no offence). I know one kid who's dad threw his ps2 on a chair & almost broke it. Closest thing I could come up with.
My Soul Brings Tears to Satanic Eyes.

If Max Collins, Matt Skiba, Jimmy Urine, & Mark Phillips had a child it would be one fu*ked up mofo, but 'it' would be the God of music.

As-1D R077's temp homepage: http://www.freewebs.com/as1dr077/index.html
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 3 Guest(s)