Could I Barrow a Moment of Your Time?

[Amethyst]

My close friends are in no way a source of review seeing as how bias they are towards liking my work; so once again I ask of you, my peers, to judge my work:
http://www.angelfire.com/vamp/youkaideimos/hhj.html

This time I give you no gore filled sudo-goth atempt at being deep, but instead a "classic horror" theme.

Well I didn't vote... I think it needs some work to be considered good... but it's not bad either... so somewhere in between would be my vote... as to what it needs... for one, it needs to be spell checked, spelling and gramatical errors do not make for good reading.... but that aside... the story was somewhat believable...although it tends to be done to death... school, psychotic killer, etc... but that isn't the part that needs work...

The story jumps around with way too many points of view... you have like 7 or more characters and you jump from one to the other instead of combining them into a flowing story... Perhaps if you cut the viewpoint to one or two characters instead? Or make each point of view longer or cover more time... it reminds me of Boogie Pop Phantom... which tended to be rather confusing, but that's just my opinion, just like this is... laugh...

The ending was rather abrupt... and didn't quite finish out the story... but then that may be because you weren't finished with it yet... or didn't quite know where to go with it... Perhaps you could shorten the story and make it more succinct.

But then I'm not a writer, although I've written a thing or two and posted them on my web page... and this is just my opinion as I stated earlier, and you did ask for a review.