04-03-2003, 04:42 AM
alright, heres what I think:
I like the concept, but there isn't any dfined plot in the begining, its just a bunch of sensless action and sex. another thing is that you need to try to use more vivid virbs and adictives at some times, like when describing the main character I didnt really get a good feel for him, it was just, he was black, it didnt really seem like I new his face to well. one thing I did think that you did well is the dialogue. but the structure around it was sometimes confusing.
well you said to give you mush and this is as much mush as I can give out besides spellin, grammar etc. :mrgreen:
ok well overall I would just have to say to put more length into the begining section with kind of a cool intro to what this world is, and then just read through the rest of it and try to fix some of the comfusion.
despite these flaws, I enjoyed reading it, and I would like to know what happens next :mrgreen:
I like the concept, but there isn't any dfined plot in the begining, its just a bunch of sensless action and sex. another thing is that you need to try to use more vivid virbs and adictives at some times, like when describing the main character I didnt really get a good feel for him, it was just, he was black, it didnt really seem like I new his face to well. one thing I did think that you did well is the dialogue. but the structure around it was sometimes confusing.
well you said to give you mush and this is as much mush as I can give out besides spellin, grammar etc. :mrgreen:
ok well overall I would just have to say to put more length into the begining section with kind of a cool intro to what this world is, and then just read through the rest of it and try to fix some of the comfusion.
despite these flaws, I enjoyed reading it, and I would like to know what happens next :mrgreen:
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THERE ARE MAD KILLERS OUT THERE!!!