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+--- Thread: I need some advice..can anyone help me?? (/thread-1271.html)
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I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Kroova - 05-26-2003
I wish i could fly.
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Insane Crack Hoe - 05-26-2003
lol..yeah me too.. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Vance - 05-26-2003
Rofl, yeah, that's high school drama =) (loll steve + buckets)
You should have a Xanga site Insane, those are good for this type of thing, and your entries are interesting enough that I'd read it. Check it out ^^
Anyway,
ICH, you seem like a really bright girl, and whether you like it or not you are caught up in a screwed mess of confused emotions. However, you might be really liking it... There's a reason why high school drama exists, and that's because some peeps dig it. However, if find yourself exasperated by the stupidity of it all, you are probably a lot more mature than everyone you are dealing with.
This situation makes more and more sense the more I read. Let me tell you something about most high school guys, they're messed up. Most high school girls are too, but that's another story ^_^. Your friend is very likely simply enthralled with the idea of being in love. He likes people doting on him. You see, at that age, the guys aren't looking for a girl to love, they are looking for girls to love them, and more than half of this is tied up with status. It's why in high school you get terms like "he's going out with" or "going steady," (gah, that's so out of style, but it works) they're solid symbolisms of this status mark. Going steady is like a medal, it's the going steady medal. Once you've got it, it's hard to go back.
Anyway, I'm way of track, time to get back to your friend. He likes having a girlfriend, and likes having girls like him. Who the girls are is important but secondary. He might like you better than his current girlfriend, but you aren't a surefire bet yet, and he's not going to toss the affection fix he's got on a gamble. When he saw you with your ex, it also became apparent to him that you are not desperate for him and he has no mode of control over you. Of course, he wants control. But he's stupidly trying to excersize control he doesn't have and is not very good at diplomatic manipulation either.
His lie (yes, he made it up) about hearing from someone from someone from someone that you wanted to fight over him is his not-so-direct yet blunt way of testing that control. He tells you he likes you, and then fabricates a story that is basically telling you that you like him. He's trying to put the whole situation neatly under his thumb, and if you were to follow him now, he'd expect that he can control you in the relationship as well, which would suck, so don't.
I'll just cut to the chase, your friend wants a girl falling all over him, and he'd like you to be that girl, but the chance of you being that girl isn't enough for him to risk what he's got. So he's just going to be dumb and sit on the fence stringing you both along with sweet talk until he feels safe or until you both hate him (yet another high school guy crashes and burns.) Heh, hell, I crashed and burned too. Anyway, you might not be the mature one, but I believe you are, either way you are brave and smart, so I'm going to tell you how to cut through the bullshit should you so choose. You have to be independent and just take the reigns.
First thing is first, decide whether or not you really like him. If you don't, tell him. Otherwise, tell him to flat out choose between you or his girlfriend. Give him a day to decide. Tell him you would like to be with him, but won't be hurt if he doesn't choose you (you're mature right? you can take the shot :wink: .) Once he is forced to choose you will really see what he's all about. Offer to talk to him about it if he looks like he could use it, but keep your sympathy to a minimum, because he'll see that as a tool to keep both of you on the line. When you know the truth, you should be able to handle yourself from there.
Whereever you go and whatever you do, always seek the true path and refuse to play the game. High school and the start of college are a rough time, and you'll be jerked around a lot. But if you keep seeing through the illusions and pursuing what is underneath it all, you will gain deep meaningful relationships and respect through your strength among all you know, including your friend.
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Steve_the_Talking_Pie - 05-26-2003
Vance you really do give a damn. I'm expecting a larger post than this on my riveting discussion on sandals.
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Insane Crack Hoe - 05-26-2003
Vance..thank you so much for the advice you've given me...it is really helpin me a lot..you seem like a really sweet person
by the way... i think what you're sayin about the whole stringin us both along is so true. I told him yesterday after he said the whole thing that so and so said i said..i told him that it wasn't true and that honestly i had thought about leavin him since he had a g/f and i wasn't sure he was worth the fight. He said that he believed that was how i would have acted. Then i told him that i had changed my mind and decided to stick around for a while. He was happy..he even said woohooo! That may have been the wrong thing to say in this case but i really think i like him alot.. the feelings i get when i see his number on my caller id are unexplainable. On further note..i always try to be the mature one bout most situations but it doesn't always work. how do you kno all this stuff about the situation??...are you a mind reader or something cuz most things you say are so true! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Insane Crack Hoe - 05-26-2003
Quote:Originally posted by "Vance"
You should have a Xanga site Insane, those are good for this type of thing, and your entries are interesting enough that I'd read it. Check it out ^^
about what you said..i'm not sure what Xanga is but i have other things that are way more interestin than this stuff
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Lonely_monkey21 - 05-27-2003
It seems to me like he's playing you both. I've been in this situation before, it sucks major monkey balls. But just do what you think is best. If it was me, again, I would ask him why he's still with her if he likes me. After a totally crap answer I would be compelled to either let him go, or wait a little longer. Because last time this happened I was the girlfriend, and not the friend. I got cheated on, and had a huge grudge against the girl gor a long time; until I relized that the guy in question wasn't worth hating someone for.
A sad story I know, but it's all good. I'm witha guy who I hope won't screw me over, and I'm happy.
And the guy in question isn't Jon for those who know me. :?
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Vance - 05-27-2003
Quote:Originally posted by "Insane Crack Hoe"
Vance..thank you so much for the advice you've given me...it is really helpin me a lot..you seem like a really sweet person
Glad I could help, that makes my day ^_^ The unexplainable feeling is completely explainable through those words, I know exactly what you are talking about. Always ask yourself what you are feeling and why you feel that way, it's good excersize, and will keep you from deceiving others and more importantly yourself.
I might have made being mature sound like a more positive attribute than it really is. Mature roughly means the characteristic of being able to set ones own feelings aside in order to view a situation objectively as an uninvolved party and find an expedient and rational solution. This ability has its uses, but can also be detrimental. Sometimes feeling your way through a situation, which may be labeled as immature, is just as important. Balance is key. How people become "mature" is early in life, right around your age, they let their hearts guide them, and they get hurt, a lot. Living by the heart is too intense for most, and over time they build up logical and concious defences to separate themselves from the emotional rawness of the world around them, giving up their wonder, innocence, and light-heartedness in the process. You lose a lot when you forget how to let your heart guide you. Keep both your logic and your heart -- your maturity and your immaturity -- in check and know when to use each. You'll be infinitely ahead of anyone I know.
Mind reader... not really. I just know people I guess... Maybe I shouldn't be talking, I'm only 20 and I'm really just trying to figure it all out like you and everyone else here. =)
As for Xanga, it's kind of an online diary of sorts, where people can go and read what you say and comment on it. It's a solid way to sort out your problems.
Here's my friend's site so you can see what a completed one looks like:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Endoran
And here's mine, although I just got it a couple of nights ago and there's nothing on it... I'll post soon:
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=VanceXT
It's free, you can just go to www.xanga.com and set up a site. If you need any help just ask. ^_^ I'd encourage everyone to make one.
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Vance - 05-27-2003
Quote:Originally posted by "Steve_the_Talking_Pie"
Vance you really do give a damn. I'm expecting a larger post than this on my riveting discussion on sandals.
Heh, it's a good opportunity for me to get to know more about how humanity works. As for sandals... about the most profound thing I can say is that they hurt my heels. =)
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - sanosuke - 05-27-2003
damn vance! you talk some good shit! next time i have a problem im comin to you!
I need some advice..can anyone help me?? - Steve_the_Talking_Pie - 05-27-2003
The Adidas sandals hurt like hell. Don't wear those.