Those of you who know me, may know that I have some (multiple) mental problems. Well, a year or two ago I made a promise, which if I up hold would mean that I would have kill one of my best friends in cold blooded murder. Of which I have been ploting for the last few months.
Of which, if I do go through with it, which I have been driven far enough to do, I likely won't be back around for about 20 years, or probably more.
In which case (that being I don't rid myself of all insanity), I'll miss you guys. It's been fun. Also if possible, even if I'm not around for a few years, I would like to ask that my account not be deleted, I do plan on coming back if I don't get life, or death sentance.
An Old Post Slut,
Batz Kage
.....(I dont know what to say, either :mrgreen: , :twisted: , or 8O but probably just :?)
The last thing you need to do is kill someone. I'm sure you can do something mean to someone without harming them (God knows I have plenty of times). THe last thing we need to do is make the quote "if I do go through with it, which I have been driven far enough to do, I likely won't be back around for about 20 years, or probably more." as famous as "I told you I was hardcore"
kill someone and one of my best friends in the same sentance?.. some interesting truth or dare you friends play
He's put me to the point where I had no hope, no reason to live, nothing, just a big black void, & both times we some how, God only knows became friends again. But, the second time it happened, I swore if what made the first two times happened happened again, I would kill him, & I right back near the breaking point again.
Do you know what it's like to figure out that you have nothing to live for, & have to drag yourself against your owwill not to kill yourself & try to find some shread of hope, just to have it happened again, & now again?
It's driven me to do things, which were all my fault, bt I stil perfer to blame him, the one who put me i the position to even consider some of the strange things I've done.
I made him, he made me, & now he'll make me kill him.
when I find my self in a situation with nothing to live for, I remember anime and just wait to go home and watch until everything is alright with the world. you remind me of my one friend(who shall remain nameless) who said he was goin to kill himself, but then I reminded him of anime. dont worry just think of the good things that remain unchanged.
I learned a long tme ago I'm to strong to kill myself, but hurting my self would, & will never be out of the question. It's one of the things I picked up at the time. Pain makes everything ok, but it makes you less "human".
The first time I was clueless on what to do, but I did ok.
The Second time I turned to music, & did have a little bit of hope, until the end.
And this time I just want it all to stop.
yeah, you see I would have the same problem, or at least somewhat, but I have learned to block everything out that I do not want, and I have the ability to make myself believe that if I do something enjoyable it will stay that way forever.
what did your friend actually do anyway? I mean it has to be pretty bad if you are willing to do all of this.
actuly it wasn't that bad, he just turn a few of my best friends on me, took away the one girl I loved, & made me continusly feel like sh!t.
Let's see, do you know what it's like to have two of your estest friends no longer want you around, & not care wweather you were dead or alive. Well, that's what happened the first time.
The second time (big repeat of the first, only with a different friend) the only girl I ever really liked was one of my best friends. He came a long they hooked up, & I'm left like wtf? They also kept their relationship a secert, although he said he had no idea I liked the girl. Then why keep it a secert? He had no answer. Add in a little more back stabbing & me gving up on her about 5-10 minutes before she dumpped him & you'll have that one.
After that everything he did was something I had already done. He started to listen to the same music and everything. If I said someone was cool he got to know them, if I said a band sucked he would stop listening to them. Anyways he model most his life around me & my opintions.
And now he's taking my "little sister" away from me. Me & her where good friends, & now her, like the ones before her lies to my face. Tells me one thing, & follows me around trying to be friends with me by lieing so that it seems that we should be friends, & then becoming a two faced hore when I'm not around.
This last one I nicknamed Kawaii Kage, one of the few to ever make it into the Kage family, tells me allthis crap about how I'm the only one who understands her, & all these things to gain my trust just to keep me around, but I'd rather be told the truth left to make my own decesions.
Add to this a good amount of other stuff he's fu*ked up in my life, & add in a lot of paranoia, & you'll have most the reasons I want him dead. Because seeing him happy after atleast half the sh!t he's put me thorugh makes my blood boil.
If anyone read this before I edited, I redid the first sentance.
Another thing being that since all his girlfriends are my best friends when he screws up, or they are just plain out feeling down it's my job to get them to cheer up, then promptly after I'm done he'll come in & take over the "I'm Boyfriend" position, & say one it'll all be ok, after I spend hours cheering them up, tell them it'll all be ok, talking them out of doing stupid sh!t to hurt themselves, & then it's like he made it all better. It makes me feel like I'm there for nothing, or atleast that's the way he cn feel, because I doubt any of them will ever tell him, yeah, it wasn't you who helped, it was my friend, <insert my name here>.
hmmmm... did you do anything to trigger this? it doesnt look like it, and if that is the case I would say, that they are a bunch of ass holes. I know what you mean about people copying you, that is as annoying as hell, but when people do it I correct them instantly and insult them. it looks like you have kept these things bottled up from your so called "friends", I am very open with my emotions and opinions, if I think someone is a bitch I will flat out call them a bitch ieven if it is in public. I could care less what people think of me, so I just have friends who can accept that. although I do not know your friends, from what I have heard, I would ditch them and just watch anime until I find some new friends or they stop acting like such dicks. :mrgreen: and anyway I find it more entertaining to get back at people in nonviolent ways, therefore getting them pissed off and not getting in serious trouble. hope I was of some help, just remember that killing is sweet for the moment but the concequences are dear.
:twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: .... just for the hell of it :wink:
Thanks OptimisticOx. It means a lot to hear someone coment on this subject in such away, & help me to calm down, but for how long it will last I don't know. When ever I see him happy it'll probably come back. The good part is the girl is moving away at the end of this school year. I'll miss her, & but as I told her my life will be a hell of a lot better with her gone.
Now I'm just waiting to hear Steve's opintions. He's like the Lars F. of this forum to me. Brings back memories of te time when me & him argued over who was weirder, which I still think that I am.
Peace, till next time.
alright, if you see him, do what I do, I mentally kill the person, and then I just mentally kill everyone else why I'm at it. :mrgreen:
and about steve, he hasnt been coming lately, he said that he was working hard in school, trying to get into pharmacy school. but I think he may come back this summer when he has some more time on his hands. this is his last thread explaining it:
http://www.import-anime.com/phpbb2/viewt...ght=#19808
after that he posted a bit, but only a few pages worth, and now he seems to have just stopped altogether
. I still see him on occationally but he doesnt post. after that the boards kind of died, but recently they have been becoming more active and I find it difficult to catch up with all the new posts. so thats a good thing right? ... oh well...... :mrgreen: (for steve)
Man.. Go out and buy some anime, or order some from JJ. I'm sure he'd give you the mental anguish discount or something. Remember, there is no anime in prison. There is no tv, no cable, no manga, no restaurants, no chance to make new friends besides perhaps the ones you really don't want to make.. You think people are fucked up outside of prison? Imagine what they're like IN prison.. And remember you don't just affect the person you want to harm.. You affect their family, their friends...And then you'd absolutely destroy the people who care about you if you did something like that.. Also remember that you are young. Give yourself time to look back on things and laugh.. And you don't want to be looking back from a padded cell, where everything you care about and could ever possibly care about would be denied to you. You don't want to become the next internet urban legend..Take a step back, think about things for a while, and if worse comes to worse and you still feel bad, just spend too much money on something and seek other forms of amusement that don't involve the people who make you miserable. I'm sure there's plenty of anime you haven't seen, and plenty of things you'd rather do with your life than spend it in some jail cell.. It's all about willpower. Think about the stuff you like, don't think about the stuff that makes you miserable. We all do it. It's how we get by.
OptimisticOx, thanks for the link to the thread, & Shibo, thanks for some advice. Pertty much I'm going to buy Punk-O-Rama (a dvd of punk music videos), study it & go by the mattos.
I do plan on getting more anime after I update my crappy computer. At the moment I have about 70 bucks, 20 on the dvd, & about 10 to eat on at the mall when I go with the school & have o hang out with the girl that my friend is currently dating, & I just know she'll be following me around, & if I tell her not to, she'll say she's sorry, weather or not it's her fault, & still try to follow me around, but it's cool.