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An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff members. He had narrowed it down to one of two peopl, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the watercooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache."

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One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." So the guy says, "Well, give me some examples."

So the girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn`t for me. Then she said, "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can`t seem to find the hole than that means he is inexperienced and that isn`t for me either."

Then she said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

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I sailor finally comes home from active duty one day. It was a while since he had any action so he decided to hook up with his old girlfriend. They meet at a bar and had a few drinks.

She leaned over and whispered into his ear "Let's go to my place. We can try some..." She wrote "69" on a napkin and handed it to him.

"Sure. I'd like some of that," he replied.

They arrived at her place and he immediately stripped and hopped onto her bed. She too got naked and climbed onto his face. She then ripped the loudest and meanest fart. He slowly got up, put on his clothes and started out the door.

She then said to him "Hey, where're you goin? We haven't even started yet."

He then replied "I ain't taken 68 more of those."

A guy goes to a mountain cabin to stay for a weekend hike. When he arrives there is an old man who is staying there too. They introduce and then the old man asks if he wants some dinner. The hiker agrees and they have a nice meal. The old man asks if he'd like to see his dog out back. The hiker agrees. It is an old dog and probably has hearing problems and hasn't ran in years. The old man asks the hiiker, " You ever had a BJ?" The hiker says , "Not in a long time." The old man says , "I taught my dog here how to give one. You wanna try it? It'll be just between you and me and the dog. Nobody will know about it." The Hiker thinks for a sec and then reluctantly agrees. The old man points at the hiker and says to the dog, "Alright boy, give 'im a BJ!" The dog just sits there. " Give him a BJ boy!" Still the dog just sits there. "One more time, give 'im a BJ boy!" Dog just sits there. The old man then procedes to go down on the dog and says" How many times do I have to show you how to do this?" 8O :x :o weatdrop: :mrgreen: 8)

8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O WOW! that was funny and sick at the same time. :mrgreen: