I saw a girl I knew in high school the other day. She has gained, must be sixty lbs since I saw her last. When our eyes met, it was like all that could have been with us flashed through our own eyes, and reflected into the eyes of the other.
The story is, well, I think she is the only girl that I have ever, truly loved, but she was a very, very close friend, so I never made a formal move because I was afraid of screwing up the relationship we already had. We had been friends since kindergarten, a long, long time. She knew how I really felt about her, but pretended not too. Too much weirdness I guess.
Toward the end of high school, she started dating this prick from the marines. I hated the mother*&%@#, but didn?t really make a fuss about it, until one night at a party, he showed up and started yelling at her for being there with her friends. My friends had to hold me back from ripping his throat out for humiliating her and making her cry. I had, and still have, a feeling that he is an abusive lover, either mentally, physically, or both.
The fun began after we gradated. I didn?t here from her for a while and then, I see in the paper the got married! I was sooo mad. She didn?t invite me, and went to great lengths to hide it from me (told my friends not to say anything, cause they went!) I was mad, confused and hurt. A few weeks later, my friends were at a gas station and she pulled up. She started to walk over to talk to us and I turned and walked off. My friend Tim said hey she wants to talk, but I said really awful things and speed off.
I made her cry.
When we saw each other, it was like two people who had never met. My hair and dress totally different from HS, she was almost unrecognizable from all the weight gain. I didn?t know what to say, so I just said ?why?. She hung her head and said ?sorry.? I held back tears and said I was sorry for that night, with no control over my voice. Then her mom called at her from outside the grocery store, and she said she had to go.
I watched her walk away, thinking about all the things that had gone wrong. Feeling so many things. Anger for her deceit, sadness from missing a friend, hurt from the way she threw me away, pity for her life now, and a constant image of the things that could have gone differently, maybe if I had spoken up sooner. If I had truly made my feelings clear. I watched her walk out of that store that day, and I hope I never see her again. I don?t like crying in public.
I wish I could say i know how you feel, but ever person & ever situation is different. I'm sorry for your moods, although it is a thing of life. I myself have had to beg on my knees appologizing for saying shit about a few couples inwhich one person was my friend, the other was abusive; & then they would just break up anyways. And I know it can feel like shit when you insult one of your best friends (er when it a girl). I've done that a few times because I have a bad temper & even though all I did was point out the truth about the girl's boyfriend, she cried I was made out to look like an ass.
Relational shit sucks ass.
At some point in our lives we all wonder how things would be if we had done things differently. When it comes to matters of the heart I think we're better off not dwelling on it too much. Things happened the way they did and now there's nothing you can do about it. She's responsible for her own choices and the way her life turned out, not you. You have your own life to live and your own choices to deal with. I know it hurts but I think you should look ahead now. The past is great for us to learn from our mistakes but we must live in the present.
i feel for you son
but remember
A Life Without Regrets...
Is A Life Not Lived!!!
Heavy Heavy Stuff!
I'm not going to pretend like I know how you feel but I have regreted not speaking up or doing something in a situation before. All I know is that as long as your both alive there is always a chance for forgivness, carrying a weighty burden like those feelings is only going to make it harder.
Thanks all. It was really just something I was having a load of trouble putting out of my mind, and had to form all my cluttered thoughts in to word form. No one really had to have an answer for me or a life changing response to what I said; I just needed to let the steam flow out my neck you know?
I talked to friends about it too. They hadn?t seen her in a while either and about crapped when I said how she looked now. I was really mad at them for a while too for lying to me, but they were in a no win situation that wasn?t their fault so I forgave them a lot quicker. I should have swallowed my pride in the first place and just told her how I felt, so in the end it is my fault. All I want to do now is give it peace, and learn to be more honest with my friends and myself about my feelings.
Does his issue remind anyone of Vicous? I remeber ONE (the only) time Vicious opened uyp to all of us, his stroy was closely the same as Blights. Strange fact I thought you might all like to know seeing as how Vicious is known for being kinda, well closed up & Vicious.
I can't see why she didn't invite you... Seems a bit harsh...
gubi-gubi Wrote:I can't see why she didn't invite you... Seems a bit harsh...
how can you not?
If there were someone you loved & someone you hated, would you like to see them together? I know if I were him & I was invited I'd likely lose my temper & make an ass of myself. Either knock the sh!t outta him, or when they said speak now or forever hold your peace my lips woulda been flap'n.
Like with one of my friends is throwing a party, he invited a guy that has mentally abused my sister & one of my (ex)better friends. I was invited on the stipulation that I not kill him -_-.
Nothing beats a good brawl at a wedding i say!
mWahahahahahahaaaa!!!
the more the merrier!!!
Batz Kage Wrote:how can you not?
If there were someone you loved & someone you hated, would you like to see them together? I know if I were him & I was invited I'd likely lose my temper & make an ass of myself. Either knock the sh!t outta him, or when they said speak now or forever hold your peace my lips woulda been flap'n.
Well then you couldn't complain about not getting invited then can you? I don't think he would of kicked off like that seeing as it didn't really happen at a party when the guy was shouting at her, it's not going to happen at a wedding... Anyway if she even cared at all she would of at least told him it was happening or something... Or at least asked him not to casue a scene or something...
Batz Kage Wrote:Does his issue remind anyone of Vicous? I remeber ONE (the only) time Vicious opened uyp to all of us, his stroy was closely the same as Blights. Strange fact I thought you might all like to know seeing as how Vicious is known for being kinda, well closed up & Vicious.
His case come to my mind as well. It's hard on the person when something like that happens... I wonder where he's been lately.
It's just not the same without him here
.
gubi-gubi Wrote:Well then you couldn't complain about not getting invited then can you? I don't think he would of kicked off like that seeing as it didn't really happen at a party when the guy was shouting at her, it's not going to happen at a wedding... Anyway if she even cared at all she would of at least told him it was happening or something... Or at least asked him not to casue a scene or something...
I know that is what she was afraid of, because of the night I wanted to kill him. Because I would have killed him, not just beat the hell out of him. My friends were a little scared of me after that night, because I was always the guy who kept his cool. It wasn?t just one of those, they get between you and hold you off with words. I'm talking about full-blown rage that took one person on each arm and someone taking out my legs while that motherfucker ran for his life.
That is the reason I think I didn't get invited, because while I wouldn't have said anything during the ceremony, I would have straight walked into the dressing room and begged her not to do it. And if that didn't work, I would have blown up the fucker?s truck. And I definitely wouldn't have stayed for the service. However, if I would have found out about before hand, and I knew she hid it from me, that would have been one fucked up wedding, with me in jail afterwards. But I think I deserved to know anyway...
Blight Wrote:I know that is what she was afraid of, because of the night I wanted to kill him. Because I would have killed him, not just beat the hell out of him. My friends were a little scared of me after that night, because I was always the guy who kept his cool. It wasn?t just one of those, they get between you and hold you off with words. I'm talking about full-blown rage that took one person on each arm and someone taking out my legs while that motherfucker ran for his life.
That is the reason I think I didn't get invited, because while I wouldn't have said anything during the ceremony, I would have straight walked into the dressing room and begged her not to do it. And if that didn't work, I would have blown up the fucker?s truck. And I definitely wouldn't have stayed for the service. However, if I would have found out about before hand, and I knew she hid it from me, that would have been one fucked up wedding, with me in jail afterwards. But I think I deserved to know anyway...
You're friends know you better than anyone. She probably had an idea of how you would respond to the news, and wanted to avoid conflict.